I Stopped Pushing Love Away

 I have been in an interesting season – a season of self-love and detoxing myself away from anything that isn’t speaking truth into my life. Here’s the thing, I started this thing since I was a teenager that I couldn’t be loved so anyone who tried to love me (ESPECIALLY Jesus who loves me all day, everyday), I’d push their love away.

Honestly, I didn’t realize that I was poisoning myself by believing that I couldn’t be loved. I had no clue what I was doing until I started pursuing self-care and self-love.

“He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;

He who keeps understanding will find good.”

Proverbs 19:8 NKJV

You see, I told myself for several years that I couldn’t be loved because I wasn’t as smart as *insert name here* or I couldn’t be loved because I wasn’t perfect enough. I believed I couldn’t be loved because of my past. I believed so many lies that Satan was whispering into my mind which led to me doing what I do best… I push love away.

When you push love away, you’re saying that you know what you deserve – you’re saying that you know more than God does.

Here’s the thing… you don’t.

You don’t know what you deserve.

You don’t know what God knows.

When I pushed love away, I was pushing away God’s truth about what He says about me because I would rather listen to Satan’s lies.

My dear readers, understand that Satan is the father of lies. He is a murderer. When he speaks into your mind… he is only speaking out of his own character. He does not speak truth. He is only to kill and destroy.

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

John 8:44

I was feeding myself Satan’s lies to the point that I was allowing him to suffocate who I truly was. I remembered staring in the mirror as I repeatedly heard over and over in my mind, “I hate you. You don’t deserve anything. You’re a waste of life. You’re nothing but trash. No one loves you because you don’t deserve to be loved.”

Wow, what a lie! I’ll be honest, I never realized what I was doing when I was listening to that awful voice. I never realized how harmful that voice was towards my self-esteem, self-care and self-love. It wasn’t until a recent encounter that God revealed that I do not love myself the way that Christ loves me. I began realizing how I push the love of God away by dictating what I deserve.

God isn’t cruel. We may not deserve to be loved but He says we do. If God didn’t love me or you… why on earth would He send His Only Son to die on a cross for our sins?

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

John 3:16 

It breaks our Father’s heart when we push His love away. 

Not only was I hurting myself but I was breaking God’s heart by rejecting the very thing that I needed to begin the process of self-love.

“After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—”

Ephesians 5:29 NIV

After God revealed that I didn’t love myself as He loves me, I started going on this journey of loving myself. I started to discover more of His character and understanding how He loves. The best way that I can explain how Christ loves is by studying 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” 

Can you guess my favorite part in the verse is?

“Love rejoices with the TRUTH!”

Whoa! Mind blowing, right? The only way I stopped pushing love away is by learning to embrace and rejoice with the truth! If you’ve been struggling with self-love and self-care… I would love to partner with you in prayer! Comment below or send me a personal message on my contact page (Or you can contact me through any of my social media platforms such as Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook). You are not alone. Always remember that you are deeply loved!

Father, thank you for loving me even when I push your love away! Teach me how to love myself by embracing and rejoicing with the truth. Thank you for always loving me even when I don’t love myself. You are such a good Father. Forgive me for rejecting your love and help me to hear and embrace only your truth.


“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.”

John 15:9



  • Gillian
    2 years ago


  • Yaw
    2 years ago

    I understand this…and sometimes i feel like i keep running from God instead of towards him. I hope to one day be able to simply accept his love instead of trying to figure out why He is determined to stick with me. God bless you for sharing

  • Jenna Brooke Carlson
    2 years ago

    Satan’s lies can be so powerful, but I’m grateful that God’s truths are stronger. When we hear lies coming our way, we need to combat them with truth. The truth will set us free.

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