I was unsure about how I wanted to write this blog post. To be honest, singleness is hard for me as I am sure it is for you too. I am twenty-five years old. I have had my share of bad toads. I have been on and off in relationships. I have pined over past relationships and cried over the loss of men who left me. Singleness has never been my favorite season and I am still trying to figure it out but if I was not real and authentic to share my struggles then my readers could not relate to fake perfection.
For five years, I spent time around a community of people who told me that “if you are not content while being single than God cannot bring a special person into your life or let you meet your future husband. It is sinful to want something more than God especially marriage.” – guys, I actually believed this! I tried SO HARD to be perfectly content. I am not kidding… I cried and sweated my heart away to be perfectly content. Every time, I failed.
Yes, you should pursue contentment while being single… but this statement that was spoken to me was basically stating that you needed to be perfect before God can bring a man into your life. This statement made me think that you cannot want a relationship or marriage until you mastered contentment otherwise it was sinful and God cannot bless you for it. This whole concept sounded like withholding to me. It made me angry towards God for a LONG time because I believed that God was withholding from me because of my lack of contentment and that singleness was my punishment. This mindset was messed up. Can anyone relate to this?
Yes, contentment is good! Yes, even singleness is good but God does not use singleness as a punishment.
So what about the women who desire to spend their lives with someone and raise a family like you and me?
I decided to post on Facebook and ask my fellow ladies about their struggles and what they dislike about being single… and here are some answers:
“I really struggle with the not knowing about what the future holds for me.”
“What if God does not fulfill my desire and I have to say good bye to my dream about marriage and raising a family?”
“My friends tell me that I deserve better but I do not believe them.”
“I do not feel good enough and I compare myself to others who are in relationships.”
“I struggle with the loneliness.”
“I feel I am single because I am not pretty enough or interesting enough to keep a man.”
“I struggle when people ask “are you seeing anyone” or “why are you not dating anyone?””
“People have place me on a pedestal because they have labeled me as someone who deserves so better. It’s frustrating”
“I struggle with wanting a helpmate but here I am… single as a pringle.”
“I feel disconnected with my friends because they are married and have children.”
“Everyone is getting married except for me.”
“I feel behind because I am not in a relationship.”
“I feel like God has forgotten about me.”
“I am currently content with my singleness but I feel so much pressure by those around me about dating. I feel like people are putting pressure that I am not good enough because I do not have a boyfriend or husband yet.”
“I feel like that there is no one for me.”
“The fear that I missed my opportunity or my person.”
“I feel like I have not done anything right because I am still single.”
“Maybe my standards are too high.”
Can you relate to any of these struggles? I do. I am raising both hands and my two feet because I can relate to each of these statements of struggles as a single woman.
Look, I do not know what God has in store for your future. I don’t know what God has in store for me either. BUT… I do know that it is okay to struggle with our singleness. It is okay to struggle with wanting to spend your life with someone special. It is okay to struggle with wanting to raise a family. It may not seem like it is okay because our generation promotes that we need to be content in everything (which the Bible does say) BUT God does not expect you to be perfect in order to meet a significant other or get married.
God knows your struggles as a single person. He knows what you desire.
I want you to know that God DOES NOT withhold your desires, hopes, and dreams from happening. It is not his character. He knows the right timing. He knows what he is doing but he does not withhold good things from his children.
Single woman (or man if you’re reading this), you are not alone and it is okay to not love this season. We can make the best of this together and know that God is not withholding from you. Your love story is being written. It may not be as soon as you’d hope for. It may not be what or how you expected but God is in control of the pen. It will be okay.
Please cry and let it out. Don’t be bitter towards this season. Surround yourself with people who can relate to you and know that your singleness does not mean that you’re not good enough, that your standards are not too high, or that you’re not interesting enough. You are more than enough but you don’t need to settle for a bad toad because the right one has not walked through the doorway of your heart yet.
Hang in there, love.
Singleness doesn’t have to be your favorite season but don’t be bitter. Make the best of this and keep living your life. It will be okay. YOU will be okay even if singleness is not what you wanted. Together we can get through this and know that singleness is not a bad thing or a form of punishment even if it isn’t our favorite season.