September 11th is a day that no one could possibly forget. We lost many loved ones in the year of 2001. It is marked as a day that terrorism stole our joy from an average day and created a day of remorse. However, after 13 years, September 11, 2014 is not a day of remorse but a day where God brought joy back into my family. September 11th was the day that my dad could come home after 10 years of pain and suffering. He was no longer the husband or father from the distance but welcomed back to the arms of his family. There is an incredible promise when you place your hope and faith in God. I can never look at September 11th as a day of sadness but a day of rejoice.
I spent 10 years without the strong fatherly figure in my life. I searched high and low for the love that could never fulfill. I spent my days wasting away for the boy to share an ounce of his attention. I gave up the purest part of myself that I thought meant the world to someone I was once in love with. He walked out the door of my heart without the decency to say goodbye. I searched everywhere for anything and everything that could fulfill from alcohol to cigarettes to sex with strangers. I believed I was worth nothing but trash laid outside. I defined myself as a whore waiting to die. I gave up hope for love when it was standing there in front of my eyes. But I looked at myself in the mirror repeating the lies that Satan would continuously whisper into my ear. Lie after lie after lie would consume my mind. I tortured myself to believe that no one would see an ounce of purity left in me. My heart was cold and black. I was numb from all the sin that consumed my life. I had no hope to resurrect the innocence that was taken from me.
I never had a strong relationship with my father. I desired it but never had it. I was known as daddy’s little girl since the day I was born, but was I really? He left when I was thirteen to fight the war of bills, mortgages, and past debt that would bring strife between my parents. He promised me that he would return in six months and that this job would be temporary. Six months came for Christmas season; I was filled with joy to have my dad home. However, the job was not temporary as he promised. I never saw him again until three years later because we couldn’t afford to bring him home. Sixteen years of age feeling as my father abandoned his only daughter. I lacked the love that young girls should receive from their father to receiving a phone call once every six months because he felt I no longer needed a dad to lead my life in the way it should go. The feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts consumed my mind. I believed the lies that every man in my life would leave me empty handed. I believed that every man would break every promise because they all proved to be liars. Life moved on – everything changed after high school graduation; college began, a date here and there, a relationship evolved, and life went on. Yet nothing fulfilled me.
I was left with nothing. One mistake created a ripple effect until conviction flooded my soul. I knew I needed a savior and knew exactly who to call. When I was fatherless, he was the father I desperately needed. I remembered how I turned my back to the one who never stopped loving me. I threw him into the trash can and believed that there was no such thing as a God. How could this be if I was raised believing that I was a daughter of a magnificent king? My heavenly father still pushed through the darkness in my life and made his appearance well known. Love filled my soul after the sinner’s prayer at 21 years old. Words could never express the joy that I had experienced that night. It was like a dream that never could end. I felt an embrace that I had never felt before. No one was in the room but me, yet I felt someone hugging me. How could this be?
Jesus Christ broke through my brick walls that led to my broken heart. He became the father to the daughter who was fatherless. He changed my world and I could never go back.
God made me a promise that he would restore my parents’ marriage. I stood by that promise through thick and thin. Three months later, I was given the opportunity to fly to Fairbanks, Alaska after three long years. September 11, 2014 was the first day I had seen my dad face-to-face in 3 years. God did a work in my life to prepare me for that day. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. His promised was true and faithful. It is no coincidence during the car ride from Alaska to Michigan would be the time God revealed himself as my father. My parents were half an inch away from a divorce until the day we made it into Michigan. I watched my parents fall in love for the first time – what an opportunity!
The point is… God was my father when I was fatherless. He stood by me throughout the depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders and the numerous other sins that consumed my life. Although, my dad is home today after one year and my parents’ marriage was restored… My God will always remain my first and foremost father because my earthly father will fail but my father in heaven will never fail. God has loved me before the beginning of time. He has desired me and deeply longed for me. He specifically designed me when I was conceived in my mother’s womb. What an incredible love he has for his children.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. – Psalm 68:5
Maybe you lack a fatherly figure in your life… I want you to know that there is so much hope even in your darkest days. You may not be able to see him but he is always there like a best friend waiting to hear about your day and countless secrets. He has loved you with an everlasting love. He desires you more than anyone in this world. Do not give up hope. I want you to know that he loves you so much! He loves you more than you can possibly imagine.
If you would like to accept your Heavenly Father into your heart, please repeat this prayer:
Jesus, I know you have loved me before I was created. You know my pain and suffering right now. You know my desire to be loved and receive the attention from a man. God, I pray that you will come into my heart and fulfill the empty gap that is in desperate need for you. Please forgive me for searching everywhere else to fulfill that empty gap. You are my daddy and I want to know you as my Lord, my Savior and foremost my dad. I love you.